


home never was a place

by farfetched



Series: Here in Hokkaido [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort, Conversations, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Returning Home, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 05:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15112907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfetched/pseuds/farfetched
Summary: Akaashi returns from a trip to Tokyo; the two of them have a conversation they probably always needed to have.





	home never was a place

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to Mediocrity's Saviour, a few months/years on. Having said that, it will likely make enough sense on its own!

Pressing his nose into the crook of Akaashi's (Keiji's, now) neck, Akinori breathes out deeply and slumps against him. He half expects to be allowed to fall to the floor, but Akaa- _Keiji_ wraps his arms around him and supports him. Akinori doesn't know why he doubted. 

(It's in his make-up, he thinks, that he will be both scared and certain of his mediocrity. Keiji will somehow look past it every time.) 

Keiji chuckles, a noise that reverberates through Akinori. 

"So you missed me, then." Keiji murmurs, cheek pressed to Akinori's head; he can feel the movement of his lips on his hair. 

It's not a question, Akinori knows that. It's not a question at all, but he answers anyway.   
"I'd like to say no..." He mutters quietly, "But your perceptive ass would know I was lying anyway, so there's not much point, is there?" 

Akaashi huffs a quiet laugh, pulls him closer still until there is no space between them. It's in moments like this that Akinori actually likes being shorter than Akaashi. He likes feeling enveloped, likes feeling small and protected.   
"I do suppose not. I'm glad you didn't try though. It feels good to be missed." Keiji pauses for a moment to press a kiss onto his head before continuing, "I missed you too." 

And of course, his boyfriend is right. It sets a warm glow in Akinori's heart at those words, although he'd never really admit it. 

He hums contentedly, perfectly at ease for the first time in a few weeks. Keiji does this to him: every time he leaves, he unwittingly puts Akinori on edge, and every time he returns, it's like a signal for any anxiety to calm itself. He doesn't relax quite so easily without Keiji here, doesn't ever quite feel like he belongs in the space left - only when it's the two of them does he feel like he fits perfectly. 

On some levels, it scares him just how much he likes Keiji. If he ever did leave, Akinori is quite sure he wouldn't be able to find anyone else who made him feel the same sense of home. And he'd tried for several years before finally giving in and admitting he liked Keiji the most. It should probably scare him more: it certainly has done in the past, and on the nights he spends alone in their flat, it creeps up on him. He knows he's always a little too clingy, too physical when Keiji returns to Hokkaido, to their flat, to _him_ , but Keiji never seems to mind. He never comments, anyway, and among other things, Keiji can be counted upon to mention when something is bothering him. 

"Shall we sit?" Keiji murmurs.   
"Don' wanna move," Akinori returns childishly. He feels Keiji smile into his hair.   
"No effort movement can be arranged." And before Akinori can really ask what that actually involves, Keiji swoops down just far enough to hook an arm under his knees and pick him up. 

It pleases him that it's more difficult than it used to be, but he still does it without much problem. He gets carried to the armchair, Keiji sitting down on it while laying Akinori across him. 

He can't find it in him to complain. He's missed this, missed this closeness he'd never have expected of Keiji before they got together. He keeps his face buried in Keiji's neck and finds himself smiling. 

He feels ashamed of doubting when Keiji returns. He can't stop himself though: it's not that he doubts Keiji, it's more that he doubts himself as a reason to return. He finds it hard to think that he's really anything much to return to, even if Keiji proves him wrong every single time, or tries to, at least. But every time he goes, Akinori can't shake the fear that he won't return. Every time, Keiji does, and seems to understand, and will hold him close as though to let Akinori ascertain that he is indeed back, and although he will leave, he will also return. 

It's always worst when Keiji goes to see Bokuto, or even just goes near him. He knows it's irrational, that Bokuto wouldn't do something like that, and nor would Keiji go for it, but he can't stop himself. He imagines the loneliness from before, and the incompleteness when Keiji leaves, and he doesn't want to, but he thinks about it anyway. 

It doesn't really scare him too much how much he likes Keiji - no. What scares him is if Keiji stops liking _him_. 

"Bokuto-san said some strange things when we met." Keiji murmurs matter-of-factly. It seems a little forced though, not quite as off hand as he'd have you believe. Akinori nods just a little, tightens his grip. 

"Like what?" He asks, trepidation building. Considering that Bokuto is always saying strange things, the mere fact that Keiji is pointing it means- something. He's not sure what, yet. But that means it's important-weird, or new-weird. 

Keiji pauses for a long moment, seemingly considering his words. Akinori holds his breath. 

"That he occasionally regrets breaking up with me," he starts, oddly hesitant - probably knows it's going to upset him, "That if I was ever single, he'd give it another chance. He was quite drunk at this point, so I don't know how much truth there was in that." Keiji hurriedly adds; Akinori froze completely at the 'regrets' and still doesn't move once he's finished speaking, a searing fear burning him up that maybe this is a goodbye, even though logically, he knows it probably isn't. 

"He _had_ his chance!" Akinori whines, except it comes out less whiney and more angry, more terrified. "Why would- he had his chance! Bokuto doesn't _do_ regret, he just-" 

"Akki." Keiji says, stopping him in his tracks. He bites his lip, scared. Are these his last moments with Keiji? "Please don't get upset. It's merely something he said to me while considerably under the influence." 

"'Alcohol brings truth', though. It's easier to say difficult things when you're plastered." He mutters petulantly. 

"I suppose that is true," Keiji concedes, although the end of his sentence hangs. Akinori compels him to finish, adding a 'but?' to prompt him.   
"Well, I told him I was very flattered, but it wasn't going to happen." Akinori stills again, listening intently. "I'm very happy up here, after all. I don't foresee an ending to us at this point in time." 

How can Akinori's heart not swell at that? He breathes out, relieved. Caught up in it, he murmurs words he's thought a thousand times, but never quite said out loud. 

Keiji pauses. Akinori can feel his pulse on his cheek. He thinks it quickened; he wonders if Keiji heard what he couldn't himself. He only knows what he said because he'd said it - it hadn't been audible to his own ears. He'd not meant it to be heard, not really. 

"What was that?"   
"Nothing! Nothing, I just said, 'me neither'." He flusters, squashing his eyes shut. He doesn't know quite why, but it's embarrassing. He's never found the words before, even when he's wanted to. 

'It didn't sound much like that..." Keiji starts, and Akinori grabs the nearest thing in his brain in panic. Perhaps that's just in the 'things not to say to Keiji right now' section, along with that he feels mediocre at any point, or that he forgot to get any meat when he went shopping. 

"You know, back in school, I heard you confessin' to Bokuto, I thought that was it. It's kinda unbelievable you're here considerin' that..." He deflects, feeling his face grow warm already. He's glad Keiji isn't looking at him. 

"You... heard?" He hears Keiji say, quietly. He nods, and then is being pulled away so Keiji can look him in the eye. He thinks he's bright pink at this point. "What do you mean, 'you thought that was it'?" 

_Oh_ , he thinks to himself. _Well shit._

"Uh, because I thought you and Bokuto were just a forever type of thing?" He says, but his voice goes squeaky at the end, like he's questioning himself. 

He practically watches it all clicking into place in Keiji's head, piece by embarrassing piece.   
"You liked me back then. That's why you were upset, afterwards, when I found you." 

Again, it's not a question. Akinori flails his hands, looking anywhere _but_ at Keiji.   
"I _stopped_ , it's not like I was sitting here like a sad sack pinin' for you the whole time I was at uni and-"  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Keiji asks, somehow managing to not sound accusatory, instead just curious. Akinori stops flapping, kind of shrugs and looks off at the fish tank.   
"I could see you liked Bokuto, and I wasn't eager to become the hundredth member of the 'rejected by Akaashi' club, if I'm honest. I knew I didn't stand a chance." He murmurs, watching the catfish work its way along the front of the tank, cleaning the algae from the stones, finds the snail in the top right corner near the filter, thinks that it probably is coming up to needing a water change. 

"I suppose, but-"   
"You didn't know?"   
"You didn't try." 

Akinori thinks on it a while.   
"No, I didn't. What was the point? I wouldn't have won. Not that you're a prize or anything, but it was kinda pointless trying to stand out next to him. Background characters, me, Saru, Onaga, Komi, all of us. Let's face it, if this was a show, you two would have been the starting members, and we'd have been back up. To fill the space." He starts counting the guppy. He knows that there are thirteen in there, but he starts counting anyway, more for something to distract himself. Like always, he never meant to say this. This wasn't supposed to be something Keiji ever knew, or got told. 

"I don't care what would happen in a show, because I'm not in one. I needed all of you there. To receive, to spike. To save things when I couldn't get them. To set when I couldn't get there. I needed you. You all stood out in your own ways." 

"Only when Bokuto wasn't-"   
"That is precisely it. I trusted you, and the rest of the team, to pick up Bokuto's slack. We both know there was plenty of that." Keiji says, heated. Akinori can't really argue with that, but it sparks another, more sinister thought in his head, that, perhaps... 

Maybe he's still just second best. Maybe he would still lose to Bokuto. 

"Ask." Keiji demands, apparently reading his mind – or perhaps just knowing from his expression that something has occurred to him. He keeps his gaze on the fish tank, clenches his teeth. He doesn't want to ask, because Keiji won't lie to him. What if? 

It's stupid. He says he trusts Keiji, and he thinks he does, but Bokuto will always be a sore point. 

In some ways, Akinori has always hated Bokuto. 

For being stronger. For being better. For seeming cool when he really wasn't. For having fans. For having girlfriends. For having Akaashi. For getting to continue playing volleyball. For making him feel inferior, and having to try again and again to find ways around that. He'd always been relieved when Bokuto didn't message as much because it gave him space, goddammit, to not be overshadowed. To not remember who Akaashi was with. 

Maybe that's partly why he moved so far away. Bokuto wouldn't get to him here, no one knew the connection. He's definitely not the only reason - he followed the job - but Akinori thinks that might have been some of it. 

"Akinori." Keiji calls, drawing him back. He can tell he's not going to get out of this one.   
"Would you still choose me?" He whispers, more at the fish tank than Keiji. His arm is still around Akinori's back. It twitches, but does not move from its position. 

"Could you look at me?" 

He doesn't want to. If Keiji tells him a bad answer, an answer he doesn't want to hear, while Akinori is looking, he won't be able to hide his heart breaking in two. Or rather more like shattering. He can feel it quivering in his chest already, a black sludge of dread clinging to every facet of his being. He shouldn't have asked. He shouldn't have. 

Keiji sighs, and moves his arms - at first Akinori thinks he's being thrown off, but his hands clamp around his face, squashing his cheeks and forcibly twisting his head. He's surprised, such that he doesn't resist, and finds Keiji sending him a serious look. 

"Konoha Akinori. Knowing what I know now? I would choose you every time." Keiji says resolutely, without any hesitation. Akinori thinks maybe he also didn't want to watch because damn is he easy to read and Keiji can probably track the exact progress of his heart as it clogs in his throat with overwhelming happiness. Unable to speak, he settles for throwing himself to hug Keiji, which has the dual purpose of answering and hiding his face. Keiji wraps his arms around him tightly, accepting. It's all Akinori ever needed. 

"I love you." He whispers eventually, when his heart descends enough from his throat. He mouths it against Keiji's skin. It's too quiet to hear, he knows that. He makes sure of it. "I love you so much it fucking hurts, Keiji." 

"What are you saying? I can't hear." Keiji asks. Akinori smiles to himself.   
"Another time. Just let me sit here." 

But Keiji is not one to idly take demands. He is as devious as they get when he wants to be, and he's decided he wants to know; a fact made evident by the way he starts trailing his fingers over the back of Akinori's knees. He jolts away, and catches the smirk on Keiji's face. 

"You know what? You're right, I need to make dinner. Whadd'ya want?" He yammers, launching himself into a standing position and sidling towards the door. 

"I want you to tell me what you just said." Keiji remarks instead, and stands - at least, Akinori sees him start to. He's started running, laughing hysterically by that point. 

"You'll never catch me alive!" He shrieks, slamming the door behind him, not that it halts Keiji for any time at all. It ends up in a five minute chase around the flat, Akinori knows he knocked over the lamp Keiji's mum gave them that neither of them especially like, and he's sure he hears something from downstairs probably demanding they stop. He forgets why he's running after a bit, and between laughing so hard he gets stitch and Keiji's superior fitness, he doesn't stand a chance - he only gets as far as he does by playing dirty. Finally, he trips with surprise when Keiji grabs his arm, and falls flat on the sofa, face down. Keiji flips him over and leans over him, hands either side of his head, both of them breathing heavily. He supposes he's had his exercise for today. 

"What did- you say?" Keiji demands between gulps of air. 

"Nothing!" Akinori insists, mostly to be obstinate at this point. He can't quite remember right now. It'll come to him.   
"And you'd stand by that in a court of law, Konoha-san?" Keiji remarks, bemused and with an evil glint in his eye.   
"On pain of death!" He returns, grinning. He loves it when Keiji is daft, a side to him that no one else really gets to see. He loves it when Keiji loosens up, messes around, is so completely beautifully crazily _him_ that Akinori can barely stand it. He just loves- 

"That can be arranged, Konoha-san." Keiji says deviously, and goes for his sides, a weak spot he already knows about, damn him. Why can't Keiji be ticklish too? But there are other ways to get him back, Akinori can think of those. 

Although not right that second. He shrieks and twists, trying to get away, but Keiji is trapping him in, and is relentless. 

"Stop! Stop!" He cries, all his attempts to get away are futile.   
"Are you going to tell me now?" Keiji inquires, putting one of his legs over Akinori's to further diminish his hopes of escape, and when Akinori doesn't say anything, he returns back to full assault mode. 

Akinori gives up after a few more seconds.   
"I love you! That's all I said dear god please stop!" The torture halts immediately, and Akinori breathes a deep sigh of relief, relaxing back into the sofa and gathering his breath. "That's all, see, it's not that interesting." 

"That's 'all'?" The shocked tone makes him open his eyes. Keiji is staring at him, wide-eyed. 

"Yeah. I just- do." He says, dumbly. Keiji actually looks surprised. "I thought you knew." 

"You didn't say anything..." Keiji murmurs. Akinori rolls his eyes, reaches up and flicks him on the forehead lightly.   
"I thought we'd established I'm not great at saying things. You're also perceptive as hell, so I didn't think it mattered. Plus it's embarrassing!" 

For once, he doesn't need Keiji to say it back. He's happy enough that he's here, doesn't need any specific words to confirm what his presence shows. He's well aware that he's way more attached to Keiji than vice versa, that his feelings are stronger. It doesn't matter too much as long as Keiji is there and accepts him for being himself. 

Keiji, however, seems to be genuinely surprised. When he's spent a solid minute just blinking at Akinori, he mutely congratulates himself for getting Keiji to stop functioning - surprisingly easy if that's all it takes - and ruffles his hair. 

"If you let me get up, I'll make dinner. Maybe yakitori? I think we have everything, if not I'll just improvise." He says; Keiji fails to move, and he sighs. "It's not that big a deal, is it?" 

"It is to me." Keiji finally remarks, quietly.   
"You must have known that already, though?" Akinori questions, raising an eyebrow. Keiji puzzles over it for a moment. 

"It's- been a while." He pauses, eyes flitting away from Akinori. "Forgive me for bringing him up, but Bokuto said things like that very frequently and easily. The fact that he'd stopped was one of the indicators for the decline in our relationship, but I suppose I got accustomed to him saying it and didn't really take it seriously most of the time." 

"Well, sorry I'm not always spouting things like that, I dunno how he does it..." Akinori mutters, but Keiji shakes his head.   
"Your way is better. I always know that you mean something when you say it." He smiles lightly at Akinori. 

"Well, that's good then, right?" He thinks, anyway. The fact that he's actually managed to shock Keiji has thrown him. "Did you want the yakitori, or what?" 

"I'd rather stay here with you first of all." Is the response, and Keiji wedges himself in the corner of the sofa and deftly shuffles Akinori around so they are facing each other. Akinori huffs a laugh; it's a little typical of Keiji to just do what he wants in this kind of situation. 

"I think I knocked your mum's lamp over." He murmurs, as he brings his hand up to twirl a strand of Keiji's dark hair around his finger, and uses the other arm to pull himself closer, further away from the edge of the sofa. He tangles his feet with Keiji's, and watches his eyes crease with amusement. "She might be annoyed, I didn't have time to check if it was broken." 

"Perhaps. I don't think Yamada-san downstairs was too enthralled either."   
Akinori snorts, and continues lazily making hurricane patterns in Keiji's hair, while Keiji just watches him. 

"She still doesn't like me."   
"You did answer the door with Mia around your neck."   
"Was I to know she's phobic? Maybe I should get a tarantula, complete the freaky pet collection."   
"I draw the line at snakes I'm afraid."   
"Thought so. I don't really like them that much, anyway. Too many eyes."   
"That's not my first thought on spiders, but valid, I guess."   
"I was thinking about some lizards tho-!" 

He had, of course, noticed Keiji drawing closer and a sly smile growing on his lips, but he'd still thought he might let him finish first. Somehow, he's really not too bothered, smiling into the kiss and using the hand already in Keiji's hair to pull him closer. Keiji hums contentedly; he seems in no hurry, unlike a few moments ago, happy to lie there and lazily kiss the living daylights out of Akinori. He doesn't have a single complaint about this, enjoying the languid ease they have with each other, the knowing, the familiarity. Keiji tastes of the plastic casing of filters, from his bad habit of holding them in his mouth when changing them. He tastes of those melon drops he likes to eat, a little too sour for Akinori but perfect in this context. He tastes of the nostalgia of Tokyo air, of a rice ball had for lunch a while back, tastes of travelling, watching the ground drop from beneath him on the plane, tastes of making all the changes to get back to Iwamizawa, but mostly, he tastes of home. Akinori can never get enough. 

He never wants to get bored of this, and separating just slightly and seeing Keiji's eyes sparkle, of them both murmuring 'takeaway?' at the same time, but neither of them get up. He never wants to get bored of them getting distracted and laughing their way later to the convenience store for some sandwiches, Akinori promising a proper dinner tomorrow after work. He never wants to get bored of Keiji shuffling into bed next to him, of holding him, of waking up next to him and it being the best thing in the world to see first thing. 

Somehow, he doesn't think he will. And he is assured multiple times, that Keiji doesn't think so either.

**Author's Note:**

> Clearly I couldn't just leave them alone. Hopefully it was worth reading! 
> 
> I just wanted to write them being all domestic and silly, really. Also, you better bet Konoha uses this knowledge to his advantage from now on.


End file.
